Time for a little one-on-one

Wiebe.

HUNTSVILLE - Is bullying on the rise? Or is bully awareness on the rise? Far too many teen suicides are due to bullying. Certainly it seems as though it’s uppermost in the minds of parents, educators and student groups. A viral video of a 68-year old school bus monitor being bullied and taunted to tears made a remarkable splash.
William Golding’s Lord of the Flies is a classic study in human nature, which portrays the dark side of our humanity. It shows us that ordinary children can fall into a pattern of behaviour that is very destructive, with bullying being at its core. It confirms that each one of us is capable of anti-social actions, which can have devastating consequences. Although the novel was written shortly after WWII, it remains relevant to today’s concerns and reminds us that bullying is not new.
Having said that, I believe bullying is more prevalent in our society today and it has everything to do with the anonymity of the Internet. The potency of social media has added another dimension to the phenomenon of bullying: it has made it more impersonal, convenient and immediate. In all the documentary news items that focus on teen bullying, virtually all the victims of bullying said they were subject to taunts and insults over social media. Unlike vulgar name calling or crass bathroom wall scribbles, Internet bullying doesn’t disappear. It cannot be washed off the stall; it hangs in cyberspace and does not dissipate.
It’s the disconnect between a perpetrator and a victim that not only makes it easy for the bully, but also keeps the consequences at a distance. Words are typed, posted and with a click of a button, the damage is done… what’s for dinner?
So what to do about it?
The case of the bus monitor is a perfect example of a lost opportunity to rectify the awful behaviour of a group of teenagers. The teens were identified from the video and then pressured into apologizing. Worldwide media coverage can have that effect. The results were less than satisfactory. The boys wrote statements of apology, which were read by local authorities. The father of one of the boys even showed up at the bus monitor’s house to apologize on his son’s behalf. In my view these well-meaning gestures were totally counter-productive.
The Native Peoples of this land had it right all along: when you have wronged someone, you must face them in person, look them in the eye and resolve the conflict. To apologize in person is the only way to a more cohesive and less violent society. Wrongdoers, especially teenagers, need to see first hand the hurt they have caused to truly understand the results of their actions.
When two people, no matter how different they may seem on the outside, are left alone together in a non-confrontational setting, they will ultimately humanize one another. They will come to realize that they may not be all that different. They will find common respect and decency.
I can remember getting into trouble as a youngster and then being forced to face the person I offended to apologize. Nothing was more humiliating and humbling, but above all valuable, in showing me just how rotten my behaviour was and seeing first hand how that negatively impacted another person.
While I applaud the action of so many groups to launch anti-bullying campaigns including the provincial government with their anti-bullying bill, I question the effectiveness of these campaigns. Unfortunately, there is anecdotal evidence that occasionally there is a rise in bullying following some of these in-school campaigns. For every student that signs a petition to end bullying there is another who can barely take the time from a smart phone to roll his or her eyes.
There is always the “get tough” approach but to bully a bully makes you a) no better and b) emboldens bullies to get even tougher. Studies have shown that kids who are bullied at home by their parents often repeat that negative behaviour. One statistic showed that over 60 per cent of kids between grades six and nine who admit to being bullies end up with a criminal record by the time they are 24. On the other side of the equation, suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in approximately 4,400 deaths per year. Could these statistics be reduced if the offender and victim were compelled to meet face to face at an earlier time?
Jonathan Wiebe currently sits on Huntsville’s Community Services Committee and works as a carpenter and freelance writer. He also hosts TV Cogeco’s “Focus Huntsville” and is co-chair of the 55+ Ontario Winter Games Committee. Email: jwiebe326@gmail.com on twitter: @JonathanWiebe.

Small - Large
|
Print
|
Email
|
|